Will You Vote for Four Years of Variety?

Today is the long awaited Election Day 2020, and we’re all exhausted from it. If you live in a “swing state,” you’ve undoubtedly been barraged with a onslaught of postcards, flyers, magazines, text messages, emails, phone calls, yard signs, and more. American consumers, however, just want four years of more creativity from brewers, convincing us their plan for world dominance of hard seltzer and canned cocktails is in the offing.

Let’s look at some important stances on the ballot.

Healthcare

Do you have lower calories, less carbs, and natural flavorings? Do you promise to help us be alert tomorrow and crave exercise?

COVID-19

Are your products available for home consumption? Can we be assured that the product hasn’t been exposed to the elements between manufacture and when we drink it?

World Peace

Are you helping export your products to other parts of the globe? What are you doing to ensure people in remote areas have access to great tasting beverages?

Inclusion & Racial Equality

Do you appeal to all walks of life? Are you race and gender neutral? Do you have messaging that resonates with people from diverse backgrounds and socioeconomic status?

Environment

Are you available in recyclable containers? Will the local recycle company take your empty containers and re-introduce them into the supply chain?

Economy

Do you promise to keep consumers interested and buying your products? Will the ramp-up of your production mean more jobs for local communities?

Criminal Justice

Are there any laws when drinking… no strike that. Do law enforcement employees enjoy your products just as much as criminals? Can putting people to work at your facilities help ease the need to commit crimes?

Education

Are you including ingredient information on your can or website? How about nutritional information? What are you doing to educate the public about what’s inside your package?

Immigration

Do your products co-exist on the shelf with imports? Are you creating products that would make anyone proud to become an American?

There is not a single thing we cannot do. Are you with us? We have incredible potential and will go on to exceed even remarkable achievements of the past.

If only the candidates had sent some hard seltzer in the mail, we might’ve swung their way!